The State of the Union: Undressed.

I'll be writing my opinions on The Prez's big speech tonight as they occur, but first I have a very important philosophical question. Who is crazier: the chimp lady in Connecticut, or Nadya "Octopussy" Suleman in California? I'm torn on this. Also, not all of the facts are out but I'd be willing to bet any amount of money that "Chimp Lady" did NOT vote for John McCain. Let me explain. Both political wings have certain forms of lunacy. Tricking yourself into thinking a wild ape is your son Travis can be pretty easily classified in this regard.Without further ado, I got your stimulus package right here.

-As the Congress files into the room, I'm once again reminded that our country is ruled by the town counsel from "Footloose".

-I'm watching the ABC coverage which should be sufficiently reverent.

-Did you know Obama was named "Gun Salesman of the Year"?

-I hope Antonin Scalia is taking good care of himself.

-Is Biden's son in uniform there the son that is/was being indicted?

-A guy named "Chesley" has to be a bad-ass.

-Now comes the cabinet. Kind of crazy that Hillary passed the vetting process, but not Richardson or P. Dischle (formerly known as Puff Daschle). I won't be surprised if Hillary is his running mate in 2012.

-Can somebody tell me how racking up huge new debts is "change" from W? Debt is debt, regardless of your intentions.

-The president's goal is to go directly to the people funding the stimulus package, but unfortunately it is after 9 pm on the east coast and those people have already been tucked into bed by their parents.

-And the crowd goes wild. Remember that happy looking guy. We'll see how he looks as the years roll on.

-Jackson Jr in the house! Remember, no modern farce is complete without a cameo appearance from Jesse Jackson.

-The president has spent more money so far than any one save Pelosi's plastic surgeon.

-Think that's really water in Biden's glass?

-Is Biden texting?

-For a hope-monger he sure paints a bleak picture.

-Can someone please keep Chris Dodd's face and Barney Franks' voice off of my tv.

-He's laying the blueprint for the rise of disaster socialism.

-5 minutes in and nothing but platitudes.

-The idea that his economic agenda will bring down the deficit is so ridiculous only an intellectual could believe it.

-Everybody in Cuba has a job don't they?
-Cuba is still a Third World Socialist hell-hole isn't it?

-Without using the phrase "George Bush", do you really believe the stimulus will create the number of jobs he's saying? Be honest. With me and with yourself.

-The number of people who pay taxes is less than 95%

-"Wellfare as we know it" is back with a vengeance!

-If you've been going through tough times but have been paying your mortgage any way.... you are officially a sucker.

-The banks have really made a deal with the devil on this bailout. You don't pull a fast one on the Feds, the Feds pull a fast one on you.

-Does any one realize how ridiculous it is to claim that the Bush admin was too capitalistic?

-He doesn't get it. (Remember that line?)

-He gives a classic example of the Broken Windows Fallacy when talking about the need to "invest" in financial institutions.

-Government IS the solution.

-Mo' money, mo' money money!

-Here comes the "green jobs" crap.

-Listening to him talk about energy makes it clear that the moonbats really are in charge. There should be a law that you can't use the words "efficiency" and "government" in the same sentence.

-The automobile would never be invented today. Too many regulations.

-An American goes bankrupt from health care bills every thirty seconds. This is unacceptable. We're all going to go bankrupt paying health care bills. Keep in mind a government that goes broke under it's own debt can provide health care to zero children.

-Apparently you have the "right" to have your doctor bills paid for by someone else.

-We're going to spend a lot more on churning out kids with diplomas they can barely read.

-This just in. Our educational system is run by morons. Hate to be the one to have to point this out. From the Right trying to destroy science education to the Left trying to destroy the way History is taught, we've pretty well got our bases covered.

-Can you imagine if the government ran the only fast-food restaurant in your town? What do you suppose the food would taste like? How would the service be?

-Dropping out of high school is "no longer an option". "We need the skills of every American"? That sent a chill through my fucking blood.

-We're going to give kids more money. The colleges will say "Well, I guess these kids can afford more!"

-Brain tumor or not, Ted Kennedy can pound sand.

-Honestly, He KILLED someone. Am I supposed to be cool with that? Is Manson an okay guy now because he hasn't killed lately?

-Education might be the most over-priced commodity there is in this nation.

-We can't pass on debt? Let's at least wait for it to become history before revising it.

-Mentions "inheriting debt". Stay classy, moonbats. Remember "Change" means more of the same with regard to debt.

-I'd place a wager that he will not end farm subsidies.

-If he hadn't just signed a trillion dollar monstrosity, I might believe him. Apparently the Salt Water Marsh Mice will spend a lot of that money they got.

-Higher corporate taxes equal more jobs?

-We live in a Victimocracy at this point in our development so his "hose the rich" plan might be popular.

-Remember how Democrats cared when Iraq was costing so much money? They were right. (for more on the topic of debt, please read American Theocracy by Kevin Phillips) Once again, our children will not care why we put them into crushing debt, simply that we did it at all.

-Terrorists will not plot against us from safe havens half-way around the world- They'll do it from right here God-damn it! Not that Bush was any better about border security.

-Did he screw up the Git'mo thing or what? You've been campaigning on this since '04 and you're just now going think of an alternative?

-Nancy Pelosi's smirk is torture.

-There's a dead body in the room!!!! Oh, never mind it's just John Kerry.

-Did you know: The "Kool-Aid" at Jonestown was actually Flavorade?

-True story.

-Him trying to expand the power of government to unheard of levels and my opposition to it is neither petty nor trivial. The last guy did that too, and do you remember how bad that turned out? Remember Lord Acton's Axiom?

-Would you rather be water-boarded or have sex with Dianne Feinstein?

-How bad could it be?

-The water-boarding I mean. I think I'd have to say get the towel.

-Christopher Hitchens got water-boarded. He says it's torture.

-Have you noticed that I haven't personally insulted the president? Every one else, yes. President Obama, no.

-So there you have it. Huge spending and an incredibly vague claim about cutting "unnecessary spending" You may either keep reading for my views on this Jindal kid who I've had my eye on.
Or, you can go right to the comments section and call me a racist for opposing the president. (But keep in mind I'll do the same thing if he ever catches static from the left.) Line of the night: "I do not believe in bigger government". Does any one believe that?

-I agree with him about the war-budgeting thing. I also think some of the banking regulations will be a good thing. For good or ill, this is the beginning of a new era for this country. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hope this stuff works because it's going to happen either way. I don't want to be like the people on the Left who were so invested in failure they couldn't believe that Iraq was turning around no matter what actually happened on the ground. Would I bet on that outcome? Hell no.

-As he walks out I notice some school-girls. It is good to have a president you can trust around the young ladies.

-I liked the whole "death penalty for child-rape" thing they had going in Louisiana. Do it In My Name, I'll sign for it if necessary.
-Jindal pays tribute to Obama's blackness.

-Then he has to point out that he has minority creds too.

-Sounds like his dad should have gone to a socialist utopia.

-I like that Jindal is not lining up at the teat.

-Not sure bringing up Katrina is a great idea.

-I like that he's pointing out the bad side of government inefficiency.

-Is there anything sadder than seeing what's become of (formerly)Great Britain.

-Did you know that if you spent a million dollars a day every day from the birth of Christ until now, you still wouldn't exceed the amount of the "stimulus package".

-He needs to keep hammering them on the stupid stuff in this bill.

-We still need to drill for oil.

-Ten years from now, they'll be telling us that it will take ten years to get to the oil we still haven't drilled for. And make no mistake about it, we will still be enriching our enemies because we don't want to risk the lives of caribou.

-School choice is antithetical to everything Obama stands for. He mentioned it, but don't be surprised when it never quite materializes.

-Talk about the border please.

-The Federal Government has never led us astray before has it?

-He's talking about people being responsible for themselves. What a hate-monger! Doesn't he know some people are victims?

-I like Jindal. This will fall on deaf ears, but may help his standing in the party. Now please, tell me how bad Bush was some more.

Super Bowl Commercials.

This won't be an extensive list, just the highlights and (mainly) lowlights.

-The Morons From PETA weren't allowed to show their commercial. I was hoping to see it because I wanted to um....research the moonbat mind...yeah, that's the ticket. I'll have to check the notes of our own (soon to be Colorado resident) Bob W. who has been doing some research in the area of vegetarian-moonbat females.

-I'd like to thank godaddy.com for reminding us that we as a society have completely worn away our knuckles and now it is our wrists that drag the ground when we walk.

-The Bud-Light commercial where the guy was thrown from the window made me chuckle a little.

-The Doritos snow-globe commercial was my favorite. Admit it, you knew it would hit the boss but weren't expecting the crotch strike. That had me and Nick cracking up. The one later where the guy gets electrocuted was a close second. I'm a sucker for physical comedy I guess.

-Hey Pepsi, we know what's going on with your new logo. As you can probably tell from my picture on this page I am not Hoping for Change. I can't be the only one to make this connection.

-None of the Clydesdale commercials did anything for me. I can't remember the last time I drank a Budweiser either.

-Hey So "G" is gatorade. I've been seeing those commercials for months. I've never wanted to buy a bottle of Powerade so bad in my entire life.

-The NBC commercials just made me realize how weak their lineup is. I think losing Scrubs was addition by subtraction as that is the worst program currently airing on television, gratingly unfunny and cheesy to boot.

-At first I thought I was having a seizure during the 3-D commercial. Then I thought "I hope people didn't have to pay for those 3-D goggles". Until I saw the blonde from Chuck crawling toward the screen. Then I thought "Man, I wish I'd bought some of those 3-D goggles".

-Hey, you knew what I was when you picked me up.

-What the Hell is the deal with truck commercials? Not just tonight. Every pickup truck commercial has flaming ramps, or truck bodies swinging from chains, or something equally stupid. And then we sit around asking ourselves why the Big 3 are about to go belly-up? (I realize the other manufacturers are just as bad, but when's the last time you saw a commercial for a truck that made you feel like it had given you a reason to buy it?)

-The Coke Zero commercial with Troy P. turned out to be better than I thought at first. It's hard for him to pull off the Mean Joe vibe with his Michael Jackson-voice. But it did turn out kind of funny. Coke and Doritoes did pretty well tonight.

-Today was one of those days where I wanted to punch a small animal. I could have done without the skimpy-underwear-guy though.

-Taco Bell- You call a woman two days after getting her number. No more. No less. Any quicker and she thinks you're desperate (which I am, but she doesn't need to know that), any more and she's pissed that you made her wait 3 days.

-I was too into the game to take notes on the later commercials.

-Wow, a MacGuyver (MacGruber) commercial in 2009! How timely! How hip! This commercial reminded me what my favorite show was in elementary school and how bad SNL has gotten at the same time.

-Anyways, those are the only ones I felt the need to comment on. Overall, it was a very good Super Bowl.

-James Brown is dead. I thought so, but couldn't remember when I heard Michaels mention him. I had to look it up on wikipedia.

The Stupid Bowl: A Steve's Eye View of the Big Game.

Whoa. What a game. People forget that they didn't start having competitive games on a regular basis until like 1999. Before that they were usually like 107-14 final scores. Here are my witty observations on the game the Halftime show and the commercials in no particular order.

Game:
-I didn't like the way the bottom line flashed yellow at the end of every play. It made me think there was a penalty every play.

- #68 on the Steelers looks like Early Man from the evolution chart.

-This looked like one of those 42-10 games through the first 15:00.

-I'm not used to hearing Madden calling a game without asking if the last play was a horse-collar tackle on every play. And can we get rid of the horse trailer already?

-The weirdest moment to me was Al Michaels saying that James Harrison was "running like James Brown" during the INT return. I assume he means the time James Brown led deputies on a long car chase after getting "high on God" and waving a gun around at people.

-I wanted to hear the reporter ask Kurt Warner if he blamed Jesus for the INT. Admit it. You're sick of hearing guys thank God for how they performed in a game. The fact that you're alive and healthy is much more thanks-worthy.

-Is James Brown still alive? I thought he died, but now I can't remember.

-I love Scotch.

-During halftime I got to see Matt Millen. Thanks NBC! Millen already knows what he can go do with himself as far as I'm concerned. All that was missing was Joey Harrington or Charles Rogers on the set.

-Have you ever looked at pics of Mrs. Warner from when they met? Let's just say it's amazing how much better looking a person can get when their husband goes from grocery-bagger to NFL superstar. Granted, there's only one person I know of who's made that particular transition.

-Imagine how fast Troy P (not even gonna try on the spelling) would be without 25 pounds of hair to carry around.

-8-10 years ago, I'd have told you that NFL officiating was the best of the 4 major team sports by a wide margin. This is no longer the case. They may still win by default, but the decline in quality has been staggering.

-I saw a ton of Steelers fans today, but not any Cardinals ones. This is not surprising since Phoenix is a place people move to, as opposed to Pittsburgh which is a place you get the Hell out of as soon as you are old enough to do so. Not a knock here, census data pretty much backs this up.

-Larry Fitzgerald is not human.

-I can't remember the last time I saw a safety in the Super Bowl. I thought up 20-14 Pittsburgh should have taken a safety rather than punt from the back of the endzone. Didn't come to that because of the holding but it would have been an interesting choice if it had come to it on 4th down.

-Jesus strikes again with the last second fumble. I'm pretty spent at this point. That was a great game.

-I'm looking for an 0-16 commemorative shirt. Now that's making history.

-Do you think Broadway Joe had been imbibing? I thought maybe so when he came out with the trophy, but I noticed the sideline babes were nowhere near him. Probably a good way for NBC to avoid a lawsuit.

Halftime show:

-Thanks to Justin Timberlake we get over-the-hill rock and roll types for these events now. This may not be a bad thing since up until nipple-gate the league was trying to grab the "urban" demographic which meant hip hop with sleazy dancing going on. I don't mean "sleazy" in a good way either. A lot of that crap was about as erotic as a table dance from Trent Lott. They tried to go middle ground with Prince, sleazy and washed up all in one package, so maybe this is a step forward.

-I was remided of a few thanksgivings ago when they had the genius idea to have John Fogerty do the halftime show for all three games. I hope the person who said "hey let's get somebody most people under 40 didn't realize was still alive and fly him all over the country so the audience can watch him 3 times!" was either fired or beaten to death.

-The Boss kind of sounded like a TV preacher when he came out and started talking didn't he? He's like "Put down the guacamole.....and plant a seed-uh, a seed of faith-uh".

-How'd you like to be one of those guys in the front row with The Boss's crotch right in your face? You can't move back because of the crowd, and he just keeps coming closer and closer.

-Hey now I know what that's like because he came sliding crotch first right into the camera, clearly making contact. Now I know why people watch the lingerie bowl or whatever stupid crap they show opposite the game.

-Glory Days. First of all, sing it right. Nothing says "over the hill" like changing the song lyrics to fit the situation. Your friend was a baseball player back in high school. All though this performance certainly underscored the message of the song as The Boss's Glory Days sure have passed him by.

-Am I being a little hard on Springsteen? I guess after last year I should be greatful that it's at least a performer who solidly belongs to one sexual orientation or the other.

Next up......My take on the commercials.