The State of the Union: Undressed.

I'll be writing my opinions on The Prez's big speech tonight as they occur, but first I have a very important philosophical question. Who is crazier: the chimp lady in Connecticut, or Nadya "Octopussy" Suleman in California? I'm torn on this. Also, not all of the facts are out but I'd be willing to bet any amount of money that "Chimp Lady" did NOT vote for John McCain. Let me explain. Both political wings have certain forms of lunacy. Tricking yourself into thinking a wild ape is your son Travis can be pretty easily classified in this regard.Without further ado, I got your stimulus package right here.

-As the Congress files into the room, I'm once again reminded that our country is ruled by the town counsel from "Footloose".

-I'm watching the ABC coverage which should be sufficiently reverent.

-Did you know Obama was named "Gun Salesman of the Year"?

-I hope Antonin Scalia is taking good care of himself.

-Is Biden's son in uniform there the son that is/was being indicted?

-A guy named "Chesley" has to be a bad-ass.

-Now comes the cabinet. Kind of crazy that Hillary passed the vetting process, but not Richardson or P. Dischle (formerly known as Puff Daschle). I won't be surprised if Hillary is his running mate in 2012.

-Can somebody tell me how racking up huge new debts is "change" from W? Debt is debt, regardless of your intentions.

-The president's goal is to go directly to the people funding the stimulus package, but unfortunately it is after 9 pm on the east coast and those people have already been tucked into bed by their parents.

-And the crowd goes wild. Remember that happy looking guy. We'll see how he looks as the years roll on.

-Jackson Jr in the house! Remember, no modern farce is complete without a cameo appearance from Jesse Jackson.

-The president has spent more money so far than any one save Pelosi's plastic surgeon.

-Think that's really water in Biden's glass?

-Is Biden texting?

-For a hope-monger he sure paints a bleak picture.

-Can someone please keep Chris Dodd's face and Barney Franks' voice off of my tv.

-He's laying the blueprint for the rise of disaster socialism.

-5 minutes in and nothing but platitudes.

-The idea that his economic agenda will bring down the deficit is so ridiculous only an intellectual could believe it.

-Everybody in Cuba has a job don't they?
-Cuba is still a Third World Socialist hell-hole isn't it?

-Without using the phrase "George Bush", do you really believe the stimulus will create the number of jobs he's saying? Be honest. With me and with yourself.

-The number of people who pay taxes is less than 95%

-"Wellfare as we know it" is back with a vengeance!

-If you've been going through tough times but have been paying your mortgage any way.... you are officially a sucker.

-The banks have really made a deal with the devil on this bailout. You don't pull a fast one on the Feds, the Feds pull a fast one on you.

-Does any one realize how ridiculous it is to claim that the Bush admin was too capitalistic?

-He doesn't get it. (Remember that line?)

-He gives a classic example of the Broken Windows Fallacy when talking about the need to "invest" in financial institutions.

-Government IS the solution.

-Mo' money, mo' money money!

-Here comes the "green jobs" crap.

-Listening to him talk about energy makes it clear that the moonbats really are in charge. There should be a law that you can't use the words "efficiency" and "government" in the same sentence.

-The automobile would never be invented today. Too many regulations.

-An American goes bankrupt from health care bills every thirty seconds. This is unacceptable. We're all going to go bankrupt paying health care bills. Keep in mind a government that goes broke under it's own debt can provide health care to zero children.

-Apparently you have the "right" to have your doctor bills paid for by someone else.

-We're going to spend a lot more on churning out kids with diplomas they can barely read.

-This just in. Our educational system is run by morons. Hate to be the one to have to point this out. From the Right trying to destroy science education to the Left trying to destroy the way History is taught, we've pretty well got our bases covered.

-Can you imagine if the government ran the only fast-food restaurant in your town? What do you suppose the food would taste like? How would the service be?

-Dropping out of high school is "no longer an option". "We need the skills of every American"? That sent a chill through my fucking blood.

-We're going to give kids more money. The colleges will say "Well, I guess these kids can afford more!"

-Brain tumor or not, Ted Kennedy can pound sand.

-Honestly, He KILLED someone. Am I supposed to be cool with that? Is Manson an okay guy now because he hasn't killed lately?

-Education might be the most over-priced commodity there is in this nation.

-We can't pass on debt? Let's at least wait for it to become history before revising it.

-Mentions "inheriting debt". Stay classy, moonbats. Remember "Change" means more of the same with regard to debt.

-I'd place a wager that he will not end farm subsidies.

-If he hadn't just signed a trillion dollar monstrosity, I might believe him. Apparently the Salt Water Marsh Mice will spend a lot of that money they got.

-Higher corporate taxes equal more jobs?

-We live in a Victimocracy at this point in our development so his "hose the rich" plan might be popular.

-Remember how Democrats cared when Iraq was costing so much money? They were right. (for more on the topic of debt, please read American Theocracy by Kevin Phillips) Once again, our children will not care why we put them into crushing debt, simply that we did it at all.

-Terrorists will not plot against us from safe havens half-way around the world- They'll do it from right here God-damn it! Not that Bush was any better about border security.

-Did he screw up the Git'mo thing or what? You've been campaigning on this since '04 and you're just now going think of an alternative?

-Nancy Pelosi's smirk is torture.

-There's a dead body in the room!!!! Oh, never mind it's just John Kerry.

-Did you know: The "Kool-Aid" at Jonestown was actually Flavorade?

-True story.

-Him trying to expand the power of government to unheard of levels and my opposition to it is neither petty nor trivial. The last guy did that too, and do you remember how bad that turned out? Remember Lord Acton's Axiom?

-Would you rather be water-boarded or have sex with Dianne Feinstein?

-How bad could it be?

-The water-boarding I mean. I think I'd have to say get the towel.

-Christopher Hitchens got water-boarded. He says it's torture.

-Have you noticed that I haven't personally insulted the president? Every one else, yes. President Obama, no.

-So there you have it. Huge spending and an incredibly vague claim about cutting "unnecessary spending" You may either keep reading for my views on this Jindal kid who I've had my eye on.
Or, you can go right to the comments section and call me a racist for opposing the president. (But keep in mind I'll do the same thing if he ever catches static from the left.) Line of the night: "I do not believe in bigger government". Does any one believe that?

-I agree with him about the war-budgeting thing. I also think some of the banking regulations will be a good thing. For good or ill, this is the beginning of a new era for this country. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hope this stuff works because it's going to happen either way. I don't want to be like the people on the Left who were so invested in failure they couldn't believe that Iraq was turning around no matter what actually happened on the ground. Would I bet on that outcome? Hell no.

-As he walks out I notice some school-girls. It is good to have a president you can trust around the young ladies.

-I liked the whole "death penalty for child-rape" thing they had going in Louisiana. Do it In My Name, I'll sign for it if necessary.
-Jindal pays tribute to Obama's blackness.

-Then he has to point out that he has minority creds too.

-Sounds like his dad should have gone to a socialist utopia.

-I like that Jindal is not lining up at the teat.

-Not sure bringing up Katrina is a great idea.

-I like that he's pointing out the bad side of government inefficiency.

-Is there anything sadder than seeing what's become of (formerly)Great Britain.

-Did you know that if you spent a million dollars a day every day from the birth of Christ until now, you still wouldn't exceed the amount of the "stimulus package".

-He needs to keep hammering them on the stupid stuff in this bill.

-We still need to drill for oil.

-Ten years from now, they'll be telling us that it will take ten years to get to the oil we still haven't drilled for. And make no mistake about it, we will still be enriching our enemies because we don't want to risk the lives of caribou.

-School choice is antithetical to everything Obama stands for. He mentioned it, but don't be surprised when it never quite materializes.

-Talk about the border please.

-The Federal Government has never led us astray before has it?

-He's talking about people being responsible for themselves. What a hate-monger! Doesn't he know some people are victims?

-I like Jindal. This will fall on deaf ears, but may help his standing in the party. Now please, tell me how bad Bush was some more.

The State of the Union: Undressed

I'm writing this as I watch the address. Hopefully it will prove entertaining.
-I start off with Katie Curic talking as the Senators mill around glad-handing and bragging about how drunk they got in Davos over the weekend.
-Still waiting for ol' number 29 to show up. No sign of him yet.
-Uncle Teddy's looking tan. Must have just got back from the compound: Where the beer runs like water, and the women run like hell!
-"I got your stimulus package right here!"- Ted Kennedy.
-He finally enters to a response that can best be described as "polite".
-I hope there's another moment like that subway hero last year. Blowing kisses to the crowd, giving Laura Bush a full-body waste-to-waste hug. It was awesome.
-We're up to minute number 29 of Bush entering the room. There should be pyrotechnics like on pro wrestling when they enter the arena.
-The Bush daughters are looking fine tonight.
-Nancy Pelosi's hair is working tonight.
-Dick Cheney is, well, Dick Cheney.
-The interior secretary is not here.............just in case.
-Now he's talking.
-Harry Reid did NOT get drunk in Davos.
-Talks about respecting one's opponents in a campaign.
-John McCain just threw up when he heard that. Remember 2000?
-"Trust people with their own money." -especially rich people.
-He's trying to convince us that "it isn't that bad".
-note: "it's worse"
-No poor people free loading on the "stimulus package"
-Do it now. Right the hell now.
-Don't let my tax cuts expire. They're the only thing I can claim as a domestic accomplishment.
-"Make the tax cuts permanent". The right half applauds.
-Sit down Condi.
-"I'm fiscally responsible now! I really am!"
-note: bullshit.
-"I'm against earmarks now!" No you're not. just shut up already. Anyone standing and applauding is a liar.
-"I'm gonna veto your ass".
-Reform Fannie May and Freddie Mac and get me a Baby Ruth!
-Better health care. Hillary's like "yeah right. you bastard!"
-Barrack's looking at him like "get this guy off the stage"
-Pelosi is trying to hide behind him so she can't be seen laughing.
-Dick Cheney looks like he's got somewhere better to be, like a torture session or something.
-Touts the wildly unpopular-from-both-sides No Child Left Behind. No standing O on this one.
-Kennedy looks embarrassed that he wrote that law. He's sitting next to his new best friend Barack.
-I'll bet Hillary is pissed at all the Kennedys right about now.
-"liberate more children in public schools." Yeah, I've seen how you liberate people pal.
-The sec. of commerce kind of looks like Ricardo Montoban, only not handsome.
-A brief 2-person standing O occurs after the "free trade" section. They sat down quick when they noticed no one was joining in.
-He's looking tired these days. He needs to take more time off.
-I think Nancy might be texting! "ya hez a jakass." "y wasnt i invited?"
-Cheney looked bored as hell till Bush mentioned the oil companies. That perked him up!
-He's talking stem cells. I'd better not see the supremes do any cheering.
-"The constitution means what it says." ROFLMAO! Now that's irony.
-"We honor the strength and resilience of the people of the gulf coast who've rebuilt their lives with no help from my administration."
-More about cutting spending. 'cause there's an area where he has credibility!
-He touches the third rail but lets go quickly.
-Is the flag behind him supposed to be that wrinkly?
-past 7 years = stirring moments in the history of liberty. Why don't we wait for it to become history before revising it?
-Pushes the 9/11 button HARD.
-Now Cheney stands. some boos mixed in. Cheney is probably rock hard right now.
-More crap about "spreading the hope of freedom" one bomb at a time.
-Talks up the mini-surge in Afghanistan. No joke here. That's long overdue.
-The Iraq surge is great!.......so why is it ending? oh yeah, not enough troops to keep it up.
-Nancy is reading a book! I knew it. Hope it's more entertaining than this speech. He has had better nights, speech-wise.
-"The surge is having results few of us could have imagined one year ago". Casualties have been reduced to the levels of two years ago!
-"I have told 935 lies to date about the situation in Iraq!"
-Everyone we kill over there is an al quaida now. Do they interview the bodies? According to the naval war college between 2 and 5% of the insurgency is al quaida affiliated, but to hear Bush tell it you'd think it was all of them.
-We're stopping the surge because it worked so well. When you have an advantage in war the key is NOT to exploit it.
-BOB F'N DOLE in the hayouse!
-What the hell does "return on success" mean? That sounds like some doublespeak B.S. my company would come up with, naming a program to decrease my benefits.
-Don't leave Iraq until every drop of "freedom" has been pumped out of the ground.
-NSA Stephen Hadley knows what he can go do with himself as far as I'm concerned.
-I mean that.
-Our strategy in Iraq can be summed up in one word: hope. Hope like hell.
-Michael Chertoff looks like some kind of blood-sucking ghoul from hell.
-He's talking trash about Iran.
-He now directly contradicts the latest NIE in saying Iran has a nukes program. I repeat this is a direct contradiction of what his own intelligence agencies say. (16 of them)
-Now he talks up his illegal,unconstitutional program to spy on american citizens. "Give me the tools to protect america"
-"Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety"- Benjamin Franklin.
-He's talking up the "Protect America" act. George Orwell is cackling maniacally in hell. What a name "Protect America".
-Protect the telecoms that have helped me break the law. NOW!
-An additional 30 billion to Africa. He was a fiscal conservative for all of 26 minutes.
-And it's finally over. Hopefully the next president is a better speaker.
-Now he's signing autographs. Hope he signs someone's boobs. He probably hasn't done that since his Yale days.

-Now for the democratic response.
-I wonder who it'll be. Who's going to come through the curtain?
-I can tell you who I hope it isn't.
-It's the governor of Kansas wow.
-She's got a fire going in her den.
-We're not as divided as our politics suggest......I am
-She says politics is bull-crap.
-She's boring me.
-Now she touts some democratic achievements...finally. Mention caving to the president on a weekly basis.
-Sign the SCHIP bill you evil bastard!
-Let's all just roll up our sleeves and get to work.
-So far this couldn't be less inspiring.
-or specific
-That looks like a gas fireplace behind her. I prefer real wood.
-I've had enough of her. They should have had Jim Webb do it again.