Sunday, February 1, 2009

The Stupid Bowl: A Steve's Eye View of the Big Game.

Whoa. What a game. People forget that they didn't start having competitive games on a regular basis until like 1999. Before that they were usually like 107-14 final scores. Here are my witty observations on the game the Halftime show and the commercials in no particular order.

Game:
-I didn't like the way the bottom line flashed yellow at the end of every play. It made me think there was a penalty every play.

- #68 on the Steelers looks like Early Man from the evolution chart.

-This looked like one of those 42-10 games through the first 15:00.

-I'm not used to hearing Madden calling a game without asking if the last play was a horse-collar tackle on every play. And can we get rid of the horse trailer already?

-The weirdest moment to me was Al Michaels saying that James Harrison was "running like James Brown" during the INT return. I assume he means the time James Brown led deputies on a long car chase after getting "high on God" and waving a gun around at people.

-I wanted to hear the reporter ask Kurt Warner if he blamed Jesus for the INT. Admit it. You're sick of hearing guys thank God for how they performed in a game. The fact that you're alive and healthy is much more thanks-worthy.

-Is James Brown still alive? I thought he died, but now I can't remember.

-I love Scotch.

-During halftime I got to see Matt Millen. Thanks NBC! Millen already knows what he can go do with himself as far as I'm concerned. All that was missing was Joey Harrington or Charles Rogers on the set.

-Have you ever looked at pics of Mrs. Warner from when they met? Let's just say it's amazing how much better looking a person can get when their husband goes from grocery-bagger to NFL superstar. Granted, there's only one person I know of who's made that particular transition.

-Imagine how fast Troy P (not even gonna try on the spelling) would be without 25 pounds of hair to carry around.

-8-10 years ago, I'd have told you that NFL officiating was the best of the 4 major team sports by a wide margin. This is no longer the case. They may still win by default, but the decline in quality has been staggering.

-I saw a ton of Steelers fans today, but not any Cardinals ones. This is not surprising since Phoenix is a place people move to, as opposed to Pittsburgh which is a place you get the Hell out of as soon as you are old enough to do so. Not a knock here, census data pretty much backs this up.

-Larry Fitzgerald is not human.

-I can't remember the last time I saw a safety in the Super Bowl. I thought up 20-14 Pittsburgh should have taken a safety rather than punt from the back of the endzone. Didn't come to that because of the holding but it would have been an interesting choice if it had come to it on 4th down.

-Jesus strikes again with the last second fumble. I'm pretty spent at this point. That was a great game.

-I'm looking for an 0-16 commemorative shirt. Now that's making history.

-Do you think Broadway Joe had been imbibing? I thought maybe so when he came out with the trophy, but I noticed the sideline babes were nowhere near him. Probably a good way for NBC to avoid a lawsuit.

Halftime show:

-Thanks to Justin Timberlake we get over-the-hill rock and roll types for these events now. This may not be a bad thing since up until nipple-gate the league was trying to grab the "urban" demographic which meant hip hop with sleazy dancing going on. I don't mean "sleazy" in a good way either. A lot of that crap was about as erotic as a table dance from Trent Lott. They tried to go middle ground with Prince, sleazy and washed up all in one package, so maybe this is a step forward.

-I was remided of a few thanksgivings ago when they had the genius idea to have John Fogerty do the halftime show for all three games. I hope the person who said "hey let's get somebody most people under 40 didn't realize was still alive and fly him all over the country so the audience can watch him 3 times!" was either fired or beaten to death.

-The Boss kind of sounded like a TV preacher when he came out and started talking didn't he? He's like "Put down the guacamole.....and plant a seed-uh, a seed of faith-uh".

-How'd you like to be one of those guys in the front row with The Boss's crotch right in your face? You can't move back because of the crowd, and he just keeps coming closer and closer.

-Hey now I know what that's like because he came sliding crotch first right into the camera, clearly making contact. Now I know why people watch the lingerie bowl or whatever stupid crap they show opposite the game.

-Glory Days. First of all, sing it right. Nothing says "over the hill" like changing the song lyrics to fit the situation. Your friend was a baseball player back in high school. All though this performance certainly underscored the message of the song as The Boss's Glory Days sure have passed him by.

-Am I being a little hard on Springsteen? I guess after last year I should be greatful that it's at least a performer who solidly belongs to one sexual orientation or the other.

Next up......My take on the commercials.

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