Sunday, February 1, 2009

Super Bowl Commercials.

This won't be an extensive list, just the highlights and (mainly) lowlights.

-The Morons From PETA weren't allowed to show their commercial. I was hoping to see it because I wanted to um....research the moonbat mind...yeah, that's the ticket. I'll have to check the notes of our own (soon to be Colorado resident) Bob W. who has been doing some research in the area of vegetarian-moonbat females.

-I'd like to thank godaddy.com for reminding us that we as a society have completely worn away our knuckles and now it is our wrists that drag the ground when we walk.

-The Bud-Light commercial where the guy was thrown from the window made me chuckle a little.

-The Doritos snow-globe commercial was my favorite. Admit it, you knew it would hit the boss but weren't expecting the crotch strike. That had me and Nick cracking up. The one later where the guy gets electrocuted was a close second. I'm a sucker for physical comedy I guess.

-Hey Pepsi, we know what's going on with your new logo. As you can probably tell from my picture on this page I am not Hoping for Change. I can't be the only one to make this connection.

-None of the Clydesdale commercials did anything for me. I can't remember the last time I drank a Budweiser either.

-Hey So "G" is gatorade. I've been seeing those commercials for months. I've never wanted to buy a bottle of Powerade so bad in my entire life.

-The NBC commercials just made me realize how weak their lineup is. I think losing Scrubs was addition by subtraction as that is the worst program currently airing on television, gratingly unfunny and cheesy to boot.

-At first I thought I was having a seizure during the 3-D commercial. Then I thought "I hope people didn't have to pay for those 3-D goggles". Until I saw the blonde from Chuck crawling toward the screen. Then I thought "Man, I wish I'd bought some of those 3-D goggles".

-Hey, you knew what I was when you picked me up.

-What the Hell is the deal with truck commercials? Not just tonight. Every pickup truck commercial has flaming ramps, or truck bodies swinging from chains, or something equally stupid. And then we sit around asking ourselves why the Big 3 are about to go belly-up? (I realize the other manufacturers are just as bad, but when's the last time you saw a commercial for a truck that made you feel like it had given you a reason to buy it?)

-The Coke Zero commercial with Troy P. turned out to be better than I thought at first. It's hard for him to pull off the Mean Joe vibe with his Michael Jackson-voice. But it did turn out kind of funny. Coke and Doritoes did pretty well tonight.

-Today was one of those days where I wanted to punch a small animal. I could have done without the skimpy-underwear-guy though.

-Taco Bell- You call a woman two days after getting her number. No more. No less. Any quicker and she thinks you're desperate (which I am, but she doesn't need to know that), any more and she's pissed that you made her wait 3 days.

-I was too into the game to take notes on the later commercials.

-Wow, a MacGuyver (MacGruber) commercial in 2009! How timely! How hip! This commercial reminded me what my favorite show was in elementary school and how bad SNL has gotten at the same time.

-Anyways, those are the only ones I felt the need to comment on. Overall, it was a very good Super Bowl.

-James Brown is dead. I thought so, but couldn't remember when I heard Michaels mention him. I had to look it up on wikipedia.

The Stupid Bowl: A Steve's Eye View of the Big Game.

Whoa. What a game. People forget that they didn't start having competitive games on a regular basis until like 1999. Before that they were usually like 107-14 final scores. Here are my witty observations on the game the Halftime show and the commercials in no particular order.

Game:
-I didn't like the way the bottom line flashed yellow at the end of every play. It made me think there was a penalty every play.

- #68 on the Steelers looks like Early Man from the evolution chart.

-This looked like one of those 42-10 games through the first 15:00.

-I'm not used to hearing Madden calling a game without asking if the last play was a horse-collar tackle on every play. And can we get rid of the horse trailer already?

-The weirdest moment to me was Al Michaels saying that James Harrison was "running like James Brown" during the INT return. I assume he means the time James Brown led deputies on a long car chase after getting "high on God" and waving a gun around at people.

-I wanted to hear the reporter ask Kurt Warner if he blamed Jesus for the INT. Admit it. You're sick of hearing guys thank God for how they performed in a game. The fact that you're alive and healthy is much more thanks-worthy.

-Is James Brown still alive? I thought he died, but now I can't remember.

-I love Scotch.

-During halftime I got to see Matt Millen. Thanks NBC! Millen already knows what he can go do with himself as far as I'm concerned. All that was missing was Joey Harrington or Charles Rogers on the set.

-Have you ever looked at pics of Mrs. Warner from when they met? Let's just say it's amazing how much better looking a person can get when their husband goes from grocery-bagger to NFL superstar. Granted, there's only one person I know of who's made that particular transition.

-Imagine how fast Troy P (not even gonna try on the spelling) would be without 25 pounds of hair to carry around.

-8-10 years ago, I'd have told you that NFL officiating was the best of the 4 major team sports by a wide margin. This is no longer the case. They may still win by default, but the decline in quality has been staggering.

-I saw a ton of Steelers fans today, but not any Cardinals ones. This is not surprising since Phoenix is a place people move to, as opposed to Pittsburgh which is a place you get the Hell out of as soon as you are old enough to do so. Not a knock here, census data pretty much backs this up.

-Larry Fitzgerald is not human.

-I can't remember the last time I saw a safety in the Super Bowl. I thought up 20-14 Pittsburgh should have taken a safety rather than punt from the back of the endzone. Didn't come to that because of the holding but it would have been an interesting choice if it had come to it on 4th down.

-Jesus strikes again with the last second fumble. I'm pretty spent at this point. That was a great game.

-I'm looking for an 0-16 commemorative shirt. Now that's making history.

-Do you think Broadway Joe had been imbibing? I thought maybe so when he came out with the trophy, but I noticed the sideline babes were nowhere near him. Probably a good way for NBC to avoid a lawsuit.

Halftime show:

-Thanks to Justin Timberlake we get over-the-hill rock and roll types for these events now. This may not be a bad thing since up until nipple-gate the league was trying to grab the "urban" demographic which meant hip hop with sleazy dancing going on. I don't mean "sleazy" in a good way either. A lot of that crap was about as erotic as a table dance from Trent Lott. They tried to go middle ground with Prince, sleazy and washed up all in one package, so maybe this is a step forward.

-I was remided of a few thanksgivings ago when they had the genius idea to have John Fogerty do the halftime show for all three games. I hope the person who said "hey let's get somebody most people under 40 didn't realize was still alive and fly him all over the country so the audience can watch him 3 times!" was either fired or beaten to death.

-The Boss kind of sounded like a TV preacher when he came out and started talking didn't he? He's like "Put down the guacamole.....and plant a seed-uh, a seed of faith-uh".

-How'd you like to be one of those guys in the front row with The Boss's crotch right in your face? You can't move back because of the crowd, and he just keeps coming closer and closer.

-Hey now I know what that's like because he came sliding crotch first right into the camera, clearly making contact. Now I know why people watch the lingerie bowl or whatever stupid crap they show opposite the game.

-Glory Days. First of all, sing it right. Nothing says "over the hill" like changing the song lyrics to fit the situation. Your friend was a baseball player back in high school. All though this performance certainly underscored the message of the song as The Boss's Glory Days sure have passed him by.

-Am I being a little hard on Springsteen? I guess after last year I should be greatful that it's at least a performer who solidly belongs to one sexual orientation or the other.

Next up......My take on the commercials.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Super Bowl Pick

So, my heart says Cardinals, but I think the Steelers defense will be the major factor here with the offense contributing just enough big plays.
Final score prediction: Steelers 24, Cardinals 14.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Musings.

Okay, so here are my inauguration day thoughts and observations. Along with a few thoughts on the election.

-First, the best one-sentence (kind of) breakdown of the election I've heard was from liberal radio host Ed Schultz who said: (paraphrased) "We're in the middle of two wars and a recession and what do they want to talk about? Bill Ayers? Joe the Plumber? Lipstick? Middle names? And they wonder why they got their asses kicked? " This kind of sums it all up right here.

-I can say this now. I don't think Sarah Palin is a stupid person, but she certainly plays one convincingly on tv. It was pretty much all downhill after the convention speech. "I read everything, Katie. All of them." Bob mentioned wishing I were the candidate when they asked that question. I'd have said "well, I read Russian literature, far-left garbage that I hear recommended on Democracy NOW!, books detailing the history and formation of Al-Qiada (which you'd think I'd remember how to spell by now), books about violent predators/ crime prevention, and the Bible."

-The most disturbing quote I heard all year was President Obama responding to criticism of his mind-boggling spending proposals. He said "If we can afford to spend $10 billion a month in Iraq...blah, blah, blah". This disturbed me for a couple of reasons. 1) We can't afford it. That money is being borrowed, not "spent". This is one thing he and I agreed on. 2) Debt doesn't work on a "fairness doctrine". Bush put us deep in the red, so we should let the next guy put us deeper into the hole? That's a good way to go broke twice as fast.

-How the hell did that Blago guy get elected? The word "douchebag" comes to mind. Also, George Will's statement remains true that "no modern farce is complete without a cameo appearance by Jesse Jackson."

-I have had more than enough of Sean Hannity. I think he's a well meaning idiot, but an idiot nonetheless. Yeah, we know already... Bill Ayers. If I have to hear that name one more time I'm going to throw up. Don't get me wrong I haven't heard a single defense of Ayers that wasn't intellectually pathetic or solely reliant on some questionable moral relativist argument. e.g. "He did it a long time ago (up until the early 80's)" or "other people do bad things too". That said I don't care that Obama was tangentially involved with the guy. Anyways, on to today...

-Did you notice that this new president guy is black? Apparently a lot of people can't tell, so reporters are required to mention it at least once every three sentences. Like some one's watching at home going "Oh! OK. Now I see it! I totally hadn't picked up on that." Are we really that stupid as a nation? (note: since some people make a living off of calling people racist I feel the need to clarify this point. I'm not saying I have a problem with the President, what I am saying is that I resent the media treating me as though I'm too stupid to notice the obvious, or to recognize the historical significance of this event without the aid of a talking head.)

-I probably don't want to know the answer to that question.

-Am I the only one who thinks the Lincoln thing is a little overblown? I mean I wish the guy the best, but let's let him take office before we start blasting his face onto Mount Rushmore.

-I listened to the ceremony on the radio during my lunch hour, so I didn't get the visual of the enormous crowd until I saw the replay and damn, that's an impressive site. Imagine 2 million people of all walks of life united only by civic pride, hope for the future....and the fact that they were all standing ankle-deep in urine.

-How come Reagan gets no love when they talk about great speeches from the past? I don't have the borderline-gay Reagan obsession that a lot of people on the right have, but come on. Reagan is like, ya know, the Republican, ya know, JFK. ya know?

-Did you catch that reference, or do I need to beat it into the ground?

-Did you ever stop to think about Lee Harvey Oswald's contribution to getting the Civil Rights bills passed? Sounds incredibly offensive until you stop and think about it.

-Aretha Franklin sounded good on the radio. My personal favorite performance of hers was when she sang "America the Beautiful" at Wrestlemania III back in 1987.

-Joe Biden was my personal MVP of the campaigns. He was the most "human" of all the candidates. He just said whatever was on his mind. IMO, this is how McCain should have been. Biden will be a much stronger asset to the new president than all of the Clinton retreads.

-I'd be interested to read Dick Cheney's memoirs. I kind of wonder how his mind works.

-Speaking of the Clintons, I think the appointment of Hillary was a rather weak one.

-John Roberts was clearly not ready for prime-time.

-I'll admit it. I got goosebumps when "Hail to the Chief" was played right after the swearing-in. Not because of the man himself, necessarily. But when you think of how good we have it in this country that power is transferred peacefully without the bloodshed or chaos seen elsewhere, it should serve as a reminder of all the reasons we have to be proud of this nation.

-I thought Obama's speech was pretty weak, actually. Maybe it's just because I only got about 90 minutes of sleep last night, or maybe he's just set the bar pretty high, but I thought it was rather flat. I felt like he didn't say anything. The speech could be summed up as "things are tough, but we'll get through". There weren't really any specifics and the rhetoric was not as soaring as I'm used to. That being said at least it didn't scare the bejeezus out of me like Bush's second one. After that one I was thinking "I wish we were fighting a war for oil. At least that would be a bad man acting rationally, which is less frightening than a Manichean crusader who thinks he can use the power of the United States government to force everyone to have a better life and fix all the world's problems." hmm.

-Watching the First Family freezing while watching the parade, I appreciated the 65 degree January weather we're having right now. You'd think they could have some kind of heater that keeps the reviewing stand nice and toasty.

-All in all, it was nice to see people celebrating. Even the moonbats; they kicked our asses so they've earned it. I hope the new president does a good job leading the nation through turbulent times ahead and forces me to vote for him next time. I'm sure I'll disagree with him a lot but I'll do so in a fair and respectful manner. After seeing the way the Left lost its collective mind over Bush (or Bushitler as he's affectionately known to the "tin-foil hat"crowd) I vow never to act that pathetic or to abandon logic due to political disagreement. In all fairness the Right did the same with Clinton, and both were equally pathetic. So from now on, I won't call him Barry or any other derisive nickname, or call him a Communist, or anything of that sort. My criticisms will be reasoned, and will probably be boring to those who simply want to read a bunch of name-calling.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Finally. My Election Day Plans, Predictions, and Observations.

This election season has gotten so bad that the other day I had two women come to my door and I was relieved that they were Jehovah's Witnesses. A co-worker today had twenty messages on her answering machine. I have enough mailers to, well, I'm not sure what one does with 500,000 sheets of paper. So without further ado, here's what's on my mind.

-My plan for tomorrow is to get up early, head to the polling place at 7:00 AM as soon as they open so I don't have to wait in line for 90 minutes like my roommate Becky did, or see a 4-hour long line wrapping around an entire shopping mall like my roommate Nick did. (I know I could have mailed it in, but it's just not the same.) Then I will come back home, read news and radio stuff until going to work at 10 AM. At 7, I will get off work and dip into my election night scotch bottle, in honor of my and Senator McCain's Scottish heritage. ( I'd drink something in honor of Obama too, but I don't know what they drink in Kenya or Kansas. Besides, I'm not a wine guy which he seems to be.) At this point I will most likely also talk Bob off of a bridge and get calls from people rubbing my face in the results (which is cool, because I totally deserve it).

-I expect Obama to win by 4 points. The electoral college will probably be a little more one-sided than this. I don't feel like doing the math, but I think McCain will hold Florida , lose Colorado, and Ohio and Virginia are toss-ups. I don't think North Carolina or Nevada will be quite as close as the others I mentioned. Obama will win Pennsylvania by a thin margin, but not razor-thin, I think 4-6.

-The exit-polls will once again show the race as being more one-sided than it really is.

-Hopefully Dan Rather will be on the air. He's always hilarious on these things.

-The Democrats will not reach 60 in the Senate, but they might as well. They'll have 58 or so, so for all intents and purposes it will be filibuster proof since it won't be hard to find 2 Republicans on most bills. I don't want either party to have a majority that big.

-If Obama loses, much will be made of the fact that he lost among white males. What will be ignored will be the fact that he will probably get a higher percentage among this demographic than Al Gore or John Kerry, two of the whitest individuals I have ever laid eyes upon. The last Dem. to win this group was (I believe) Jimmy Carter in 1976.

-McCain will take a slightly larger percentage of Democrats than Obama will of Republicans. This won't matter much because the raw number of Democrats has increased since '04 and the number of Republicans has either shrank or not grown as fast (don't remember which and don't feel like researching it).

-The big X-factor right now is that a lot of polls are showing 8-11 percent undecided. What is that? These polls were taken this weekend. Who still hasn't decided? I think McCain will take more of this slice of voters than Obama, but not enough to make up the gap.

-Look for both sides to accuse the other of either inflating or suppressing votes. Look for me not to believe either side until solid evidence emerges (or, more likely, doesn't emerge).

-Is the period supposed to go inside the parentheses or outside?

-I honestly don't believe "blood will run in the streets" in either scenario.

-Too bad about Obama's grandmother. Would have been nice if she'd have been able to see her grandson elected president. It's weird that Obama's parents are both dead with him such a young man, but McCain's mom is still alive and getting speeding tickets with him being an old geezer. Not a political thought, just one of those oddities of life.

-George Bush will be in bed by 10 PM whether the race is decided or not.

-Who the Hell let Dick Cheney out? To campaign in Wyoming? Wyoming? Honestly?

-Obama has a truly kick-ass speech ready to go, guaranteed.

-If McCain loses he'll probably be "uncensored McCain" for the rest of his life, the way Barry Goldwater was toward the end.

-Either candidate will wind up governing from the center-left.

-All day Tuesday right-wing radio will talk about the inaccuracy/ bias of polls. Left wing media will be in a celebratory mood, only to turn hateful if things don't go their way. If McCain loses, look for the right to blame his centrism and try to move the party further right with disastrous consequences the way the Democrats did between 2000 and 2004.

-I think McCain will do better among white women than Bush did, but not by much. The idea that women will be turned off to Palin do to her anti-abortion stance has been pushed in the media. This flies in the face of every study I've seen. Most show men as being 4-7% more likely to identify as "pro-choice" than women, and vice versa for the "pro-life" position. Actually now that I think about it I don't remember what percentage Bush got since the scotch is taking effect, but I think McCain will do a point or two better.

-Nobody ever went broke underestimating the youth vote. Everything tells me this year will be different, and I think that could be the difference between a 3-point squeaker and a 7-point walk in the park.

-The latest tape where Obama (apparently) says something about bankrupting anyone building a new coal plant did not come out soon enough to cost him Pennsylvania or influence Ohio. (note: I haven't heard the context yet, so this could be yet another case where he was pontificating about something only to have his words ripped completely out of context to make him sound like an evil godless communist.)

-I don't really believe he's a communist, but it's fun to joke about. If the left is allowed to call me a Nazi all the time, I should be allowed a little exaggeration of my own. It's all in good fun.

-My uncle will be torn. He always votes for whoever the UAW tells him too. They take care of him so he does what they say. He also doesn't care for black people all that much. (He's not genocidal, or a believer in segregation, just a run of the mill racist. This is a bad thing but I wanted to differentiate the degree of bigotry.) He will vote for Obama, but he won't want to be reminded about it. My dad will needle him about it, probably wearing the Obama shirt I bought him.

-My dad will be among the Democrats voting for McCain. He may be the only person in the country who believes Bush should be tried for war crimes, but is voting for McCain. As he jokingly put it, "I'm not voting for John, I'm voting for Cindy."

-Whoever wins will not do worse than Bush. I'm not going to say that they couldn't do worse, which is completely illogical, just that I don't think they will. I realize this is setting the bar incredibly low, but you have to take one step at a time.

-Anyways, it will be a historic day. Whoever wins has a big job in front of him and will need all of our prayers. Good night and may God continue to bless America (and, what the Hell, everybody else too, just this once.)

One Question.

I was thinking lately: if I could ask each presidential candidate one question (and maybe slip them some kind of drug so I would be assured of an honest answer) what would they be? In my case each question would play to a strength of the opponent. Here they are:

-To Obama: "What is the most difficult situation you have ever been in? How did you get through it?" ( I realize this is 2 questions) Basically what I'd like to know is how would he deal with a crisis. He seems like a pretty calm guy, but most of what I've seen of him has been pre-packaged to say the least. So I'd like to know his thought process, how he's reacted to tough circumstances, etc. I'm wondering whether he's faced down adversity. Obviously, I wouldn't have to ask McCain this question. So...

-To McCain: "What is your vision for the role of the federal government over the next decade? And how is it different from that of President Bush?" (also 2 questions). This question is heavily dependent on the aforementioned drugging. I'm not even sure what kind of answer I'm looking for here, but I'm not talking about details like tax rates, etc. It's a question about his general philosophy; what would change fundamentally? This is an area he has been lacking in and it will probably doom his chances tomorrow. Again this question plays to Obama's strength which is his clear vision. This vision is of a Federal Government that is stronger and more active in every area of life. It is a vision is borne out in every policy position or proposal on his website. It is also a vision that scares the Hell out of me, since more power has never meant less corruption or greater accountability, and this is a vision that is diametrically opposed to my own. That being said, any vision beats no vision every time, especially in uncertain times like those we currently face.

Anyways those would be my questions, and as I've pointed out to people this is the one election where I will feel more pity for the winner than the loser.

My View on Colorado's Ballot Initiatives.

I'm voting NO all but one ballot measure. Here's a brief rundown of why:

-Amendment 46: Banning Affirmative Action. My vote: NO
I'd be all for getting rid of any kind of racial preferences or quotas as I think they wind up hurting those that they are intended to help. This is not, however, something I'm particularly passionate about. If this bill passes it will most likely mean a long court battle culminating in the Supremes declining to hear it, having already ruled in the University of Michigan case, and the state will have spent a lot of taxpayer money in the meantime.

-Amendment 47: "Right to Work". My vote: NO
I don't believe the state should be allowed to tell unions and businesses what kind of agreements they can or cannot enter into.

-Amendment 48: Redefine "Person" to Refer to Any Fertilized Egg. My vote: NO
In my view this goes way to far, not just banning abortion but perhaps birth control, stem cell research, etc. Also, this will likely be struck down by the courts after a long, expensive battle as being in conflict with federal law. Couple this with the fact that we are about to elect a president who is somewhere to the left of Kruschev on this issue, and clearly believes in more control by the central government (I'm going by actions here, since his actions and words do not match each other on this issue).

-Amendment 49: Allowable Paycheck Deductions. My vote: NO
This one is intended to weaken the unions of public employees. I'm against this one because it can be argued that unions are even more necessary to public employees than those in the private sector since the government often faces no competition for the services it provides. This makes it more necessary for the employees to have a strong organization on their side. It's not like firefighters, police officers, etc. can go work for a competitor (not without relocating anyway).

-Amendment 50: Raising the Stakes Limits in Colorado's Gambling Towns. My vote: YES
I view gambling and lotteries as taxes on the poor and the ignorant, for the most part. This amendment will raise the betting limit on blackjack and other table games from $5 to $100 (There are other provisions, but all minor issues). If people want to lose their money faster, I'm all for it. The extra revenue will go to community colleges and the towns themselves, so it's win-win as long as people keep going up there to lose.

-Amendment 51: Raise Sales Taxes to Help the Developmentally Disabled. My vote: NO
I feel kind of like a heartless bastard on this one. However I'm used to it because one of the more fun things about being a conservative is being treated like you are evil (Nazi, racist, imperialist, etc.). Some people can't handle this but I enjoy it, particularly because of the absurdity of the claims, i.e. checking identities is racist, less government spending is racist, every other policy I support makes me morally equivalent to past practitioners of genocide, you get the idea. The real reason I am voting against this is in favor of a county measure just like this one, and voting for both would be a larger increase than I'd favor. The county measure is a bigger increase but goes towards public safety and a new jail. As long as there are people who need to be locked up, I will support funding the facilities needed to do so.

-Amendment 52: Using Severance Tax Revenues for Highways. My vote: NO
This is a detailed measure that would shift money to highways from other areas. There are about 5 or 6 pages of details that don't hold my attention. For that reason, and because it could lead to less flexibility in spending, I'm voting no.

-Amendment 54: Limiting Contributions from Government Contractors. My vote: NO
Why single out one group of corrupt political contributors?

-Amendment 58: Severance Taxes on the Oil and Natural Gas Industry. My vote: NO
This one would raise taxes on people customers of the oil and natural gas industry. It says it will raise them on the companies, but those taxes (just like all business taxes) will be paid by the customers. Since I don't view the prices as being too low right now, I am voting no.

-Amendment 59: Education Funding and TABOR Rebates. My vote: NO
Again, I'm evil so I have to vote against education and for tax rebates. I agree TABOR has been a major disappointment, but one thing that annoys me lately is the unwillingness of some to call a tax increase a tax increase. The preferred euphemisms are "end tax breaks" ,or "close the loophole", or whatever phrase is most useful to obfuscate what is really happening. This amendment would raise taxes by not giving taxpayers rebates, but would use the money on education (P-12) spending. So, combining the tax increase factor with the bad wording of the amendment, I can't vote in favor of it.